


How To Love Your Best Friend

by 4Jean_Drake7



Series: The Crank Palace [2]
Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author's Favorite, Bisexual Thomas (Maze Runner), Depressed Newt, Gay Newt (Maze Runner), Idiots in Love, M/M, Minho Ships It, Safe Haven, Safe Haven (Maze Runner), The Author Regrets Nothing, The Crank Palace, sad Thomas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:06:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28888065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4Jean_Drake7/pseuds/4Jean_Drake7
Summary: Disclaimer: Please read How To Start A New Life AND The Crank Palace before reading this!Newt's come back from what he thought would be his happy ending to once again return to the living hell of the real world.He was told he didn't have the Flare, and now he has to find out what he wants to do with the rest of his presumably miserable life.There's only one thing keeping him going.Tommy.Or at least, he had hoped that he had Thomas to give him a reason to live.But what if his feelings really clouded his judgement?
Relationships: Newt & Thomas (Maze Runner), Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner)
Series: The Crank Palace [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092518
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	How To Love Your Best Friend

_ Entry 10 _

_ I met a man named Terry today. He has a wife with gray hair and a quite disturbed look on her face. She always looks like she’s expecting monsters to leap out of corners to devour her whole, or that her own shadow will come to life to kill her. _

_ It’s sickening to see that look in her eyes. It reminds me of all the people we’ve banished in the past, left for the Grievers. _

_ Sometimes when I look at Maria, I can hear Ben’s pleas for his life, and can see all the faces of the ones we sent to death. And it scares me more than I care to admit. I hate being reminded of the Maze everyday. But it’s hard. Because even though we probably had it a little easier, it was still just as frightening. _

_ Every once in a while I have to remind myself that the little bugs that fly past my face are just bugs, and not secret cameras working for W.I.C.K.E.D. Other times I have to remind myself that the screeching coming from Dante’s mouth is not a Griever. _

_ And I hate it. I hate having to remind myself that things aren’t real. It makes me feel paranoid, and only reminds me that I’m going slowly insane. _

_ Slowly insane. It sounds a lot worse than it is, actually. _

_ You can yell, scream, kick, kill, and it won’t matter out here. Everyone else either has been or is going through the same thing. It doesn’t matter anymore, because you’re just a Crank under the Flare’s influence just like everyone else that isn’t a Munie. _

_ That isn’t like Tommy.  _

_ I dream about him sometimes. His reaction to the notes I left behind. So far I haven’t had the chance to come face to face with the bloke, so I wonder if he actually plans to agree to my terms.  _

_ I hope he does. _

_ Even though I said slowly going insane isn’t as bad as it sounds, it’s still bloody awful. It’s like being shoved behind a window and watching as a whole new me takes control of my life. One clouded by fear and a burning anger at everything and everyone. Just mad at the world. _

_ But the scariest thing of all is that it also IS me. Because all the Flare does is release all our passionate hate we all hide away. So even though it feels like I’m stuck behind a window, a glass pane, I also get control. I get to scream and shout, and it only feeds into the other me. _

_ It’s terrifying to experience, but also so relieving. I don’t know which one it is more, but it’s still there. I still feel the relief and regret boil in my chest when I have another breakdown.  _

_ But I just want it to stop. Because it confuses me. I can’t decide whether or not I want my relief to take over more than my regret, or my regret become larger than my relief. I feel like two separate people pulled into one person. It’s exhausting when I try to let my more controlled self take over, because it’s a constant battle with the angry me. _

_ I just want everything to end. Once I find Tommy, or when Tommy finds me, hopefully this constant battle will end. My suffering will end, and I can finally be free of the life I’m sure I never asked for in the first place. _

* * *

Thomas went silent, frozen in time. He didn’t know if it was real or not, but he had desperately wished it was. Ever since he woke up and Minho had given him the news a few days ago, he had been paranoid.

He had been so scared that the person that lay before him would disappear, and he would wake up from this dream to see that’s all it ever was.

A dream.

And Thomas wouldn’t be able to take it if it was. Sure, he’s hallucinated before, about Newt sitting next to him on the grassy green hills, or laying in bed, cuddling into his chest. But this didn’t seem like a hallucination. 

“Tommy?” Newt asked after a long, uncomfortable silence, with Thomas just looking at him like he had turned into a Griever.

“Wha- how? When did- why- what? How are you-”

“Alive?” Newt finished for Thomas, who grimly nodded his head.

It was silent for a few moments as Newt tried to settle his buzzing thoughts.

“Well to be honest, a lot of it seems to be a bit of a blur. The last thing I remember after you…” Newt’s voice trailed off. He didn’t want to finish that sentence, and he had a feeling Thomas didn’t want him to say it either.

Thomas coughed.

“I remember a woman speaking to me while I was slipping into unconsciousness. She told me that she found a cure. That this whole bloody Crank business was just to get in our heads to collect the last information they needed. She also said-”

“Hey, Thomas, just came to-”

Minho stopped himself mid sentence as he looked at the blonde. His eyes widened.

“Oh my god.”

“Min-”

Newt was cut off by a bone crushing hug from Minho. The Asian was warm, and Newt could feel heat radiate off of him when he hugged back.

“I never thought I’d see you again. Thomas told me what he did.” Minho whispered into Newt’s shoulder. Tears started spilling onto his bare shoulder blade, startling the Brit.

“I know. I’m sorry I scared you.” Newt whispered back.

“You scared me so shucking much Newt. I never thought I’d get to apologize and tell you goodbye.” Minho cried.

“Yes, well, hopefully you’ll get to say goodbye way later. I don’t plan on dying any time soon, not after I just woke up from a bloody coma.” Newt smirked at Minho, who pulled away from the hug and furiously wiped away his tears.

“Good. I don’t plan on letting you die anytime soon. Anyways, I should give you two some alone time. There’s a lot of unresolved tension in here, and I’d prefer if you guys get rid of it sooner rather than later.” Minho retorted, walking back to the entrance of the hut.

When Minho got to the sheet that led outside, he turned to look back at Thomas, his eyes slightly red and puffed from the crying, but making him look just as menacing as before. “You better eat today, slinthead. No more funny business.”

Before Thomas could answer, the runner was gone. Tension quickly filled the air between the two as time passed, and Newt felt like he was going to choke if someone wasn’t going to talk soon.

“So… I see you haven’t been handling well here.” Newt said, focusing on his pale hands that played with a light blue sheet that sat crumpled in his lap.

Thomas bit his lip before answering. “Yeah, well, after watching all your best friends, and the one you love die in front of you, it’s kinda hard to get over it in less than a month.”

“Ah, yeah, makes sense then.”

Silence.

“So Teresa’s dead then?” Newt whispered, mostly to himself. 

“Yeah. She pushed me out of the way before a large piece of the ceiling could crush me to death.” Thomas whispered back, his gaze traveling to the floor.

Tears pooled in Newt’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Tommy.”

“Why are you sorry? You didn’t do any-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. You know just as well as I do what I put you through. I ruined you, Tommy. Maybe not as much as Teresa did, but I still hurt you, and I’ll never forgive myself for it.”

Tears were running down Newt’s cheeks now, and he watched as the light blue blended with his pale hands through his blurry vision.

“Newt. Why do you keep bringing up Teresa?” Thomas asked, his voice soft and horse. Newt imagined it must be what he sounds like when he wakes up every morning. Then he immediately shoved the thought aside before thoughts progressed.

“Because you loved her.”   


More silence. 

Tears silently spilled off Newt’s cheeks more rapidly, and Newt found himself wanting to drown in the soft blue that looked like the sky. Oh what he would do to get away from this conversation. But he started it, didn’t he? Should it matter if he leaves it like this or not? Even if he’ll be heartbroken, he’s become accustomed to heartbreak these days. Watching Thomas run after Teresa even after she betrayed them. It hurt so much to have something so close, yet so out of reach.

“Newt-”

“I have to go.” Newt cut Thomas off, shoving the blue sheets off his legs and trying to get off the bed. With one hand he angrily wiped at his tears. Tears of pity. For himself. How disgusting. How selfish.

“Newt.” Thomas reached for Newt’s right hand, which hung at his side as he used the left one to wipe away tears that just kept coming.

“Let go of me Tommy.”

“But I need to-”

“No! I don’t want to hear another bloody word come from your mouth! I get it, you were in love with Teresa even though she betrayed you and almost killed you! Now let go of me, Thomas.” Newt growled, hoping the tears didn’t make him look as pathetic as he felt.

Thomas was too shocked to say anything, and released his grip on Newt’s wrist.

Newt ran away.

* * *

Newt stumbled over a branch, ignoring how much pain he was in because of the little sticks and rocks that dug into his bare feet. He kept moving, his main goal to put as much distance between himself and the one he loved.

The one he still loves.

He hated himself. He should not love Thomas, but he couldn’t help but smile whenever Thomas was happy, couldn’t help but stare into those soft amber bambi eyes with the tiny freckles hidden underneath them. And he most certainly could not help it when his eyes wandered down to those soft pink lips that looked so alluring.

He had managed to calm himself down over the short walk into the woods, and now he was having a silent argument in his head about whether or not he should ask for Thomas to accept his apology.

Newt had to admit, he went a little too far, but all the emotions in him had been bottled up for a very long time, and it was becoming too much for him. The last time he had a breakdown, Alby had been there to comfort him after he jumped off those ivy covered walls.

So yes, it’s been a while since he’s been able to break down his walls and just complain about all the struggles that life has thrown at him, but he also knew that he shouldn’t have done that to Thomas. It probably just made things worse for the brunette.

The blonde sighed to himself, before he pushed past another twig that was sure to latch onto his hair if he didn’t push it aside. A bright light shone high up in the sky, telling Newt that it was already the afternoon. He must have been venturing in the woods for a few hours, then.

Up ahead the trail in the woods he had been following ended, and Newt could see an old wooden bench that had some moss growing on the legs of it, and a few stray spiderwebs collecting in the corners. It reminded him of one of the park benches in his neighborhood from when he was younger.

Newt smacked his head. Another treacherous memory. The list kept adding onto itself, and before Newt would know, he would have all his memories back. It was only a matter of time. 

As Newt stared down on the bench, taking in every single detail etched into the wood, like the few names carved into the wood, some with little jagged hearts circling the initials. There was an H + D that had been crossed out, an E + O with small hearts decorating the sides of each letter. Newt would never be able to tell how much time and effort was put into that. Probably too much.

Cautiously, Newt sat down on the old wooden bench, before sighing again and running one of his skinny hands through his honey blonde hair. It was tangled in many knots, and he made a mental note to ask someone for a hairbrush when he got back to camp.

The thought of running away crossed his mind, but he pushed it to the back of his head. Just because he had a stupid unresolved fight with Thomas did not mean he got to abandon everyone else. He still had to see Sonya and see if she remembered him at all. He didn’t remember off the top of his head if she got the Swipe removed or not.

In fact, all his memories started to cloud together. He was having a difficult time trying to sort out all the memories that kept trying to make their way back into his head. He could feel a faint headache forming at the back of his head, but chose to ignore it. Instead he focused on the few trees that surrounded a cliff that opened up to an ocean.

Newt could feel the itch to find a pencil and his journal-

His journal. 

Crap.

* * *

By the time he had reached the camp, it was already starting to get darker, the sun close to tucking itself behind the mountains. This time he had run, hoping and praying that Thomas hadn’t discovered the journal that was sent with him. If it even was.

The lady did send him here, so he didn’t doubt she kept her word and also sent his journal with him. He was just scared that Thomas had found his journal and read through it. He couldn’t even imagine how hard it would be on the brunette.

He knew every single word he wrote on those crinkled pages, and if Thomas read a single page… he’d surely be broken. Newt didn’t even know if he himself could read through his own memories and relive all his moments with Keisha and Dante. They were terrible to say the least.

And the fact that that journal contained descriptive paragraphs full of his thoughts and feelings during his time at the Crank Palace, and even after he escaped, was even worse. He experienced the living hell it was, and he didn’t want Tommy to even know about what had happened during that time.

But of course, secrets never really stayed secrets when it came to Thomas. But that’s also what Newt grew to love about the man. He was always honest, unless the time really called for a lie. He always came clean in the end, and usually he would have good reasons to support his secrecy. 

Newt got to the hut he left from as fast as he could with his limp, his breath uneven, and his heart pounding blood into his ears. It was so loud he barely could hear the twigs snapping and branches breaking as he made a dash towards the small wooden hut.

Before he drew back the curtain, Newt gave himself time to breathe and calm down. Surely now that he was at the hut, no one would be able to read his journal now that he was here, blocking the entrance. It took a few minutes to regain his usual heart rate and breathing pattern, but as soon as it slowed down, Newt entered the hut.

He didn’t get far into the building before he stopped dead in his tracks. Towards the right, sitting on his medical bed, was Thomas, with a very familiar book in his hands. His soft brown eyes looked up at Newt, and the Brit could see tears running down his sunken cheeks. The journal- HIS journal- rested in Thomas’s lap, open to one of his few drawings.

The drawing of Thomas.

Guilt, shame, regret, embarrassment, fear, and rage all boiled in his gut, and Newt felt ready to snap at Thomas, telling him to back off his stuff. He had hoped Thomas wouldn’t have spotted his journal, much less read his entries or looked at his sketches. 

Newt swallowed. “Tommy.” 

Before either of them could say anything, Thomas leaped up from the medical bed and wrapped his arms around Newt, bringing him in as close as he could. He let his face fall into the crook of Newt’s neck, new tears already streaming down his face. 

“Don’t you dare ever leave me again.” Thomas mumbled into the blonde’s shoulder, not caring about the long and tattered hair that was scratching his forehead. 

Newt accepted Thomas’s hug. “I can’t make any promises, Tommy, but I sure as hell will do my bloody best to make sure of it.”

It was at that moment Thomas broke down into broken sobs, clutching at the blonde’s bare back as he let more tears fall. Newt felt heartbroken. This wasn’t how he wanted this to happen. He didn't even want this to happen in the first place. 

But it was happening, and all Newt could do was support his best friend, and crush, as he broke down over a journal Newt had written in hopes to keep himself sane.

The duo didn’t know how long they stood there, Newt comforting Thomas as he broke down, remembering all the words he had read in Newt’s handwriting. He couldn’t bear to know that Newt had felt so horrible his entire life. 

Maybe’s and what if’s danced around his head, but one daring thought made it to the front of the brunette’s brain, and he wanted to stick to it.

Shakily, Thomas gripped Newt’s shoulders and pulled away from the hug, not moving away too far. He looked into the slightly taller man’s eyes, and tried to push away all his worries.

For a few seconds, Thomas gripped onto whatever confidence he could scavenge and save and leaned forward, pressing his own lips to his lovers.

Newt didn’t hesitate to return the kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Please please please let me know if I made any mistakes. I need to know so I can fix them.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Let me know in the comments if you would like a part 3 :)
> 
> <3 <3 <3


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